How to Comfort Someone Mourning the Loss of a Pet

When someone is mourning the loss of a pet, oftentimes, we may struggle to find the right words to say to them. It may even be awkward for some people, especially if they have not experienced that type of grief themself. Keep in mind that for most people, a beloved pet is part of their family, and the loss they feel can be similar to what they would feel if they were to lose a family member or friend. So please don’t say to them, “It was only a pet; you’ll get over it.”

Jack the Cat Lins

​Our cat, Jack the Cat Lins, left us earlier this month. He was 17 years old, and we had him for most of those 17 years. The loss of a pet affects everyone differently. In my case, I was very emotional for several days, and it was difficult to focus on anything other than my sadness. I didn’t want to interact with people because I wasn’t sure if I could keep my emotions intact if I were offered condolences. Everyone who reached out to me was so thoughtful and kind with their words, and I truly appreciated it.
 
During this time, it occurred to me that not everyone may be comfortable reaching out to someone who has just lost a pet or even know what to say. Here are some suggestions for various ways to show expressions of sympathy:

Reach out to them
They are grieving, and hearing from someone can help them to process their sadness. It’s okay to say something similar to what you would say if they were mourning the loss of a human family member. Here are some phrases that are pet-specific:

• “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of [pet’s name].”
• “Is there anything you need?”
• “I know how much [pet’s name] meant to you.”
• “You were lucky to have each other all these years.”
• “You were such a good parent to [pet’s name].”

 
Offer your assistance
Having reminders of the pet in the home can be very difficult for some people. Depending on your relationship, offer to help remove items: “Do you need help putting away their toys or bedding?”
 
Send a card or note
I received several cards and text messages after the loss of our dear Jack the Cat. Reading the kind words was comforting and they are something I can go back and read again.
 
Avoid unsolicited advice
Don’t suggest they get a new pet right away to fill the void. They may not be ready for that now or ever.
 
Avoid making it about you
Try not to compare their loss to your own. Instead, share a fond memory you have of their pet or ask them to share a memory of their own.

Suggest a way to memorialize their pet
In our situation, we had Jack the Cat cremated and placed in an urn. We also had a special plaque made for the front of the urn. For me, it was comforting to have him back in our home.

Jack the Cat's urn and plaque

​If you’ve recently lost a pet, my heart goes out to you. I know your heart must be breaking. My own grief overwhelmed me for several days, causing me to dread seeing people. I realized I had to get back out into the world, but I also needed a way to cope with any comments without being overcome with emotion. I decided to have a go-to phrase and respond with “Thank you, I appreciate that.” It allowed me to politely accept their sympathy without breaking down in tears every time someone mentioned it.
 
I hope this helps those of you who may not know what to say or do when someone is mourning the loss of a pet, as well as those of you who are grieving the loss of your beloved pet.
 
Rest in Peace Jack the Cat Lins.